As most of you faithful followers know, I very rarely post anything about our infertility journey on my blog. But I am very open about it and want to take this time to help bring awareness to the terrible disease that infertility brings to 1 in 8 couples. But first I want you to know that all thoughts are mine and not every couple deals with the struggle of infertility the same, as each situation is different. The theme for NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week) is #StartAsking.
I welcome any and all questions you might have about infertility and I will do a follow-up post with these questions and answers. You can ask in the comments section anonymously or send me an e-mail if you would rather. No questions are off limits and I will do my best to answer each one.
This past year has been a tough one for Jacob & I. We started the embryo adoption process in March and had our first transfer in July. My first blood test came back negative. We were heartbroken, but knew it was a part of God's plan. We have 3 tries with the agency we went with, so we still had hope. We transferred again in November. My first test came back POSITIVE!! We were so excited. I was pregnant. For the first time in my life there were 2 pink lines. We started planning how we were going to tell our family. It was a wonderful period of time that Jacob & I really were able to rejoice together. At my 2nd dr. appointment we found out that my numbers were going down instead of up and I had an early miscarriage at 5 weeks. Again, we were devastated. This time even more so. Because we were able to get our hopes up and excited I had farther to fall when we learned the news. One thing I feel infertility has robbed me of is being able to be excited and hopeful with each dr. appointment, test, or positive news. I have a guarded heart. I don't let myself get excited. I don't get my hopes up. And I probably won't ever be able to until we have our child home with us.
After this last transfer we decided to take a break from transferring. We were exhausted. Emotionally, physically (all the shots and hormones going into my body), and financially. I don't say this for anyone to feel sorry for us. It is reality. You never know what all goes into one cycle until you have done it. The emotions are by far the toughest. We questioned if we are following His will. Why would He bring us this far, only to leave us in this devastation? We grew so much, friends. We grew closer to God. We grew closer to each other. Infertility has the ability to make marriages struggle or make them stronger. With the help of God, we are thankful to say that we are stronger for it. We still feel that this is a part of His plan for us. Even if it means that we are only the way for them to get to Heaven. At least these babies have had a chance at life instead of being destroyed. We will go wherever He sends us. We know He will never forsake us, even though it feels like it at times.
The stress and anxiety that infertility causes has been shown to be similar to being diagnosed with cancer. That is how much we need you. How much we need your support and most importantly your prayers.
We still have at least 1 transfer left through our current agency. As you can probably imagine, after the last two, I am not excited about it. I know what all it entails and I don't know if my heart can handle it. But I do know that with Christ by our side, He will see us through. When Jacob & I first felt lead to embryo adoption, we committed to 3 transfers. No matter the outcome of the first two. So here we are. Ready for the third, but not really ready.
I hope that this post has helped bring awareness to those around you who may be struggling. I wrote a post about how you can help and more on our story, HERE.
So send me your questions. I would love to do another post on infertility if you are interested. I will take anonymous questions if that will help you ask and try to understand. Blessings to each of you who have helped us on our journey as we are still in the trenches! And remember, it took a lot for me to hit the "publish" button because it is hard for me to be so vulnerable to so many people who may not feel the same about adoption as we do. So please be kind.